Regaining Momentum

I definitely go through ups and downs with my  motivation. Right now the house shows some definite problems. It is not one particular thing but a general lack of upkeep that has now made me face a day of gloom and doom. Sometimes just admitting this helps. There is not room now that doesn't need a thorough cleaning. I've been able to keep up with the basic stuff, kitchen bathrooms, and laundry but not the detailed cleaning or the paper clutter. I picture a mountain of papers. I don't actually let it become a mountain, I let it become a tipping pile and then I organize it into file folders. Eventually the file folders become piles in themselves. Losing battle. Putting clothes away, another issue. Never got the kids to handle their own clothes, thus I wash and hang 5 people's clothes. Grocery shopping....yes....actually peeling and using the vegetables, only sometimes. Doing things on time, just barely. Barely getting things done more likely. Feeling very tired in the evenings lately. Only want to curl up in bed and sleep at night. Not very productive in general. Bare minimum. These are things I need and want to change. Always feel behind. Not too good!

"The After"

So, a lot has changed since my last post. The summer has come and gone. My perspective has changed. I have taken on a new attitude of "just do it" rather than ruminating. I have been trying to live by the "do it now" philosophy or back to basics with my favorite: The Flylady. I have been more matter of fact about the day to day in my life. My next focus is really on emergency preparation. So, to wrap it up, nothing is perfect, but everything is under control.

What is Perfection?

Last week, once again, I visited what I would consider to be a "perfect" home. Perfect to me is warm, friendly, and comfortable. All over this house were meaningful photos, works of art, attractive furniture, etc. I have written before about this kind of home. In contrast I have my own home, which always feels like a work in progress. I never feel that I can just relax and enjoy it. Before someone is coming over I always feel that I have to clean. Lots of times we can't find what we are looking for and I become frustrated. If I can't find something that my kids or husband need, I start to feel like I failed in some way. At the same time I am defensive. This is not a good combination and I want to stop this cycle. In my mind, perfect would be always having healthy foods in the house, and always having a delicious meal ready when my kids were hungry. In contrast, this morning, I had run out of bread, and delicious lunch food, so that 2 of the kids had peanut butter and jelly which they don't even like. When it came time for the last kid, he had tuna on a hot dog roll. I couldn't find his usual lunch box, so he had lunch in a plastic bag. Not really a big deal-no one went hungry or even complained-but I felt bad about it. I was late to my class at the gym and denied a spot. Again, no big deal because I ran on the treadmill. At this moment I do not know where my ipod touch is ....again. And the power cord to my camera has been missing forcing me to use my cell phone to record two really good concerts. My room is piled with towels and clothes that need to be put away. Middle son has not finished writing his thank you notes. I constantly feel on the defense for my faults as a mom, wife, and "housekeeper." My kids cannot find socks sometimes, so they argue with eachother for "stealing" the other's socks. I have a lot of unopened bills. Worst-I owe CT. tax money, which I didn't even realize.  There are ways through this but one of the most difficult things for me is to be faced with a long string of things I do not want to do. Cleaning itself isn't a problem really. I don't mind the physical work of cleaning at all. The physical vacuuming, dusting, mopping, is okay with me. It's the organizing that I have problems with.
I am going to try to dedicate just 2 hours. That is from about 11:45-1:45 to see if I can in some ways improve this current situation. I will try to update then.

Today's Challenge

I have 25 minutes before I have to leave to watch son play basketball. Every inch of this house needs a pick me up. Where do I start? The entrance way of course! Here I go!

moving too slowly

I have touched on this before, sometimes I move very slowly in my cleaning. It takes me way to long to do something that should not take long at all. When I get interrupted I can't just go back to doing something. It seems like I need long stretches of uninterrupted time to do something. Maybe I should try working in shorter but more productive bursts. When I have looming hours ahead of me I move in micro steps. Whereas most things in my life, I do very quickly. Except decluttering. Then I am terribly stymied by inaction.

Choosing people to emulate

Sometimes I pick a person that I consider my "organizing idol" I think, "if I could just think like they did, I could change my life." Today I heard someone discussing how she was moving her husband's medical office from one place to another. She sounded so purposefully busy that I wished I was her. I feel like there's something about me that does not allow me to go out and do what I am supposed to do. Sometimes I feel like I lack the skills to do things I need to do. I wonder, why do I feel so helpless when others can accomplish so much? Is it simply not really wanting to do things, inertia in getting started, or really the inability, that stops me? I have touched on all these topics before. I have been reading books (two that I recently go from the library) about mind management/time management. Although they weren't much help to me, they both touched on the idea that changing your mind is a habit like others and it's more comfortable for us to do what we have always done. I know that so well. There is a need for me to get out of my rut but a strong resistance. When someone asks me to do something, I often dig in my heels. I want to change that way of thinking.

Inertia

Sometimes I move very slowly. It takes me a long time to do one thing. Realizing this, I sometimes set challenges for myself. It has taken me the good part of an hour to clear the top of my dresser. Once again, FEAR of losing something important is what caused me to take so much time.