First Son to Go To College

It has been a long and messy year, but today a milestone has been reached. My oldest son has left for college, and in his wake, there is one less person, a lot less stuff, and a large piece of our family life missing. The sheer effort of packing, trying to get him to pack without being too overbearing, stressing about the fact that he was not packing or readying himself to leave, shopping trips to purchase extra things he did need, and the up to the last second of getting out the door was exhausting. It didn't occupy all my time, but it certainly took up a lot of space in my mind. In fact, much of this year has been spent on the emotional tasks of dealing with oldest child applying for college, waiting for acceptances, stress over where he would get in, etc. I really have not met any of my "goals" which have continued to be, get more organized, lose weight, exercise harder and more consistently, be more productive, etc. Still, I'm not going to give up those dreams, it's what keeps me going, after all! I have a strong desire to clear more junk out of the basement, and make the "hell" room to a usable room. After dealing with cleaning out my parent"s apartment, and clearing stuff out of Warrensburg, it is clear that extra stuff serves no purpose. Memories, such as photos do have a purpose, but random papers....all they do is make you feel guilty. For the longer you have them, the less you feel that they should be thrown away.
A few observations from the college drop off:
I was really struck by the contrast between my 3 children and their ages. Middle son is now regularly being mistaken for his older brother. He has grown a great deal in this past year, his face has changed and their body types and physiques are quite similar. During the spring he was often congratulated, and thought he was being congratulated for a golf achievement, when actually he was being congratulated for acceptance to Yale, to which he would then have to correct the embarrassed complimenter. Similar things happened yesterday, with various parents asking where he was from, and thinking he was the college student. On the other hand we had youngest son, who seemed to have arrived on a planet called "college" and had absolutely no idea what to expect. I actually asked him what he was expecting to see and he said something like "streets paved with gold"I warned him that Yale was in the middle of a city, with normal streets and sidewalks to cross, and the buildings spread out, but I reassured him that there were nice quads "what's a quad?", beautiful buildings, etc. He still had a million questions while we were there, most of them pertaining to eating. "How do you pay for meals?" he asked, imagining it to be a school cafeteria. I explained that I had prepaid for the meals, and that freshmen had no choice in the number of meals so he could eat 21 meals. "a day?" no. A week. Where could he eat? In any dining hall on the campus. What kind of food would it be? Was it a buffet? There were endless questions. I told him every college was different. I had no idea what the dining halls at Yale were like because I had never eaten there. We did get to eat there today however, and so he had more questions. My favorite was "Do they change out the food for the different meals?" along with "Are there different times that you can get breakfast and lunch?" It really made me consider the age difference as far as the giant leap from middle school to adulthood. Youngest son lost a tooth in the car on the way to take big brother to college. 11 years old seemed old to me at one time. Now comparatively, it seems very young. I'm not sure if youngest child tends to ask more questions than my older ones did, or if he is less mature, or what. I find myself having to explain things a lot, things I assumed that he knew. But as adults, we sometimes assume children know a lot, when they actually have a lot of questions. I try to keep that in mind as a teacher.
DH asked, "will oldest son know when he's supposed to....audition, register for classes, etc" I assured him that it was his responsibility and that I'm sure he would do whatever was important for him to do. DH said I always handled the scheduling of things. It's true, In a way he was "The Prince" and I did take care of a lot of scheduling and organizing. I wasn't crazy about it like some people, and I really do feel that he was, and always has been very independent. But organized? I cannot say that I'm terribly organized but I am about certain things. Many times he would call and ask "where are my keys" and I would be able to tell him. I also reminded him about deadlines often. He often could see the big picture, but not the forest for the trees, or something like that. I'm tired. Not making sense. At least I wrote today.

Starting Up Again

It has been over 9 months since my last blog post, and that is not a good sign. This is the time of year that everyone thinks of New Year's Resolutions and of course, I am no exception. This year I won't say that I want to get organized because that is too general. But I have small goals such as hanging shelves, getting 2 console tables, a coat hook, a shelf with hooks for keys, a white board or magnet board and various other items that will help the house "declutter itself". I also want to waste less time on the computer. (This blog however, is not a waste!) I want to take a few online courses via Lynda.com and have all my bills paid automatically. But first step is to declutter the small extra room downstairs where I have parked all my paper.
To work I go!

Time's a Wasting?

I wonder if years ago there were so many books on decluttering, organizing, and the like. As I stand in line to pay for groceries, every magazine seems to have "cut the clutter" as one of their lead stories. I don't know if it was always like this because of course, when I was younger, I didn't read the same magazines. Was clutter less of a problem years ago, and is minimalism the "it" thing of our generation, or have we learned from mistakes of the past?
Meanwhile I had an epiphany last night as I drove around town fetching and carrying, that in the last 16 years I haven't accomplished much. I've had part time jobs only. I have not perfected any type of talent. I have not developed any new hobbies. I have not significantly reduced the amount of clutter (although I have learned to get a handle on the daily routines of life and cleaning....) There are many goals I have not achieved. One of those goals was to find a satisfying work life. I don't think that has happened. I started grad. school for instructional technology. Now I see jobs which I would have been qualified for if I had just stuck with the program and finished it. Money was an issue at that time, so I put aside my goals for the sake of the house. Now I have bigger house, but am not closer to that first goal. That goal continues to be really important for me because I probably will never be one of those people who is satisfied simply by my home life. Of course, I want to do a good job as a parent, and I feel I've done a pretty good job, as my kids are turning out to be decent human beings. I just know that kids grow up and do their own thing. I don't want to be wasting away in a small town. I want to plan and do more things, activities that bring joy to my life. Instead, my days seem to pass in a blur of chores, and unfinished projects. I read so many blogs about motivation but something seems to keep me from going forward. I feel like I could use a breakthrough.

To share....or not to share?

So here it is almost the end of January and it's been quite a while since my last post. I have been thinking a lot about how I might make this blog more useful. For me, it's very helpful to read other people's blogs or watch videos about people either struggling with my same issues, or those who have mastered the art of an uncluttered household. I find it very inspiring. However, I have been very reluctant to share my own blog. One, because I don't consider it very interesting and haven't worked that hard on it. Two, because I don't know if I've really gotten anywhere. Would I be more inspired if I posted more often and actually shared this? I'll see if this week I make some headway. BTW there's another construction project going on. So the kitchen/hall area is jam packed with stuff, and the upstairs has taken on the brunt of "family room living" so is generally more cluttered than it used to be, thanks to video games and wires. Also, the entire house is very dusty from the residual construction dust, even though I have actually been dusting and vacuuming it more often just to keep up.  I have been truly trying very hard to keep an uncluttered kitchen area by consciously putting everything away each evening. It's nice to wake up to a totally clean kitchen island. Also, I have been very good at swishing and swiping the downstairs bathrooms. I have been keeping up with laundry washing, but not very good at putting it away. I will revel in my small successes.

Regaining Momentum

I definitely go through ups and downs with my  motivation. Right now the house shows some definite problems. It is not one particular thing but a general lack of upkeep that has now made me face a day of gloom and doom. Sometimes just admitting this helps. There is not room now that doesn't need a thorough cleaning. I've been able to keep up with the basic stuff, kitchen bathrooms, and laundry but not the detailed cleaning or the paper clutter. I picture a mountain of papers. I don't actually let it become a mountain, I let it become a tipping pile and then I organize it into file folders. Eventually the file folders become piles in themselves. Losing battle. Putting clothes away, another issue. Never got the kids to handle their own clothes, thus I wash and hang 5 people's clothes. Grocery shopping....yes....actually peeling and using the vegetables, only sometimes. Doing things on time, just barely. Barely getting things done more likely. Feeling very tired in the evenings lately. Only want to curl up in bed and sleep at night. Not very productive in general. Bare minimum. These are things I need and want to change. Always feel behind. Not too good!

"The After"

So, a lot has changed since my last post. The summer has come and gone. My perspective has changed. I have taken on a new attitude of "just do it" rather than ruminating. I have been trying to live by the "do it now" philosophy or back to basics with my favorite: The Flylady. I have been more matter of fact about the day to day in my life. My next focus is really on emergency preparation. So, to wrap it up, nothing is perfect, but everything is under control.

What is Perfection?

Last week, once again, I visited what I would consider to be a "perfect" home. Perfect to me is warm, friendly, and comfortable. All over this house were meaningful photos, works of art, attractive furniture, etc. I have written before about this kind of home. In contrast I have my own home, which always feels like a work in progress. I never feel that I can just relax and enjoy it. Before someone is coming over I always feel that I have to clean. Lots of times we can't find what we are looking for and I become frustrated. If I can't find something that my kids or husband need, I start to feel like I failed in some way. At the same time I am defensive. This is not a good combination and I want to stop this cycle. In my mind, perfect would be always having healthy foods in the house, and always having a delicious meal ready when my kids were hungry. In contrast, this morning, I had run out of bread, and delicious lunch food, so that 2 of the kids had peanut butter and jelly which they don't even like. When it came time for the last kid, he had tuna on a hot dog roll. I couldn't find his usual lunch box, so he had lunch in a plastic bag. Not really a big deal-no one went hungry or even complained-but I felt bad about it. I was late to my class at the gym and denied a spot. Again, no big deal because I ran on the treadmill. At this moment I do not know where my ipod touch is ....again. And the power cord to my camera has been missing forcing me to use my cell phone to record two really good concerts. My room is piled with towels and clothes that need to be put away. Middle son has not finished writing his thank you notes. I constantly feel on the defense for my faults as a mom, wife, and "housekeeper." My kids cannot find socks sometimes, so they argue with eachother for "stealing" the other's socks. I have a lot of unopened bills. Worst-I owe CT. tax money, which I didn't even realize.  There are ways through this but one of the most difficult things for me is to be faced with a long string of things I do not want to do. Cleaning itself isn't a problem really. I don't mind the physical work of cleaning at all. The physical vacuuming, dusting, mopping, is okay with me. It's the organizing that I have problems with.
I am going to try to dedicate just 2 hours. That is from about 11:45-1:45 to see if I can in some ways improve this current situation. I will try to update then.