On Having Guests

I like having guests at my house. Unlike some other people, I'm not a perfectionist and don't have what I have seen people refer to as "OCD" -I don't notice at all if something is crooked or out of line, I don't notice details of things easily, I can easily overlook small things. I've tried to google a term for "the opposite of perfectionism" but haven't found a satisfying word yet. It seems that many people refer to themselves as jokingly "having OCD" and it made me think about how different approaches to clutter and general "housekeeping" might be affected by this.  During this pandemic I had two different and new guests who stayed at my house. One was my mother in law, who prior to this, had only stayed overnight one time at my house. During that stay, the cat interrupted her sleep and she never wanted to return after that. But circumstances being what they were, and her anxiety increasing daily in New York, she agreed to spend some time at our house, and out of the city. She stayed for two weeks. Now, I do work on keeping things fairly organized in shared spaces (kitchen, bathrooms, living room) but her level of neat and mine were obviously different.  For example,  in my kitchen, the island area often has several items on it. Right now it has my bluetooth speaker, some glasses, pet treats, and some plastic baggies with pepper seeds in them. The counter has a watering can, some cleansers, a mug, etc. I haven't rushed to completely clear the counters, but when she was here, I was acutely aware of anything I might have left out. She would painstakingly wash everything by hand, although I usually throw things into the dishwasher. After the first few days, when I saw she was getting troubled by something "out of place" I actually told her, it's okay, my standards are relaxed, they have to be, because I live with my sons, and I would be stressed out all the time if I cared that much if something was out of place. They will have food, not clean the crumbs, maybe leave a dirty pan out, leave glasses around, and if that type of thing really bothered me, it would drive me crazy. I want my house to be a welcoming place, and I think it is, for I want people to feel at home and not like they are going to make a mistake or do something wrong or upset the order. I truly want them to relax and enjoy my house. Now maybe some people could not relax in my house if they saw for example, the bucket I have that is kind of the "catch all" for stray things in the kitchen. If I throw them in the basket, they won't get lost, I'll know they are important but that they are in a holding area until they can be properly put away. Looking at my bookshelf, though, could drive certain people insane. Some books are tipped to the left or right, for example, and there are too many random items placed on the bookshelf make it a display so it looks like.....well it looks like someone might have just put them there. While I wish my bookcase was in order and beautiful to look at, the wish is only a pipe dream, for I don't have the vision to make it that way. I have a friend whose bookcases are works of art, as lovingly placed items, all with special meaning of a particular time and place, mingle with photographs. I love this person's display, I even envy it, but I could not re-create that in my own house because I simply do not have the ability to do that.  Even as a teacher, I could never keep bookcases straight and my papers went this way and that. Occasionally I would have a student who would insist on order, and on a slow day, rearrange my cabinets, so that all the book spines were the same way, and colors matched. I appreciated this help, but the cabinets eventually would go back to their old ways.  I don't have the desire to make the inside of a cabinet perfect, but I have found that most people do. I have also never been able to decorate, and most people can. So what gene is missing? Getting back to having guests, I also met my son's girlfriend for the first time, and she stayed over for a few nights. While I was proud of the guest room, and the upstairs bathroom, I worried what she might think of things such as "the book case". Then again, I knew that if she was J's girlfriend, most likely she was an easygoing person in that area. He certainly had not been taught by me how to decorate or be a perfectionist, and never seemed bothered by whatever living situation he encountered. He traveled far and wide and is a most agreeable and non-complaining sort of person, never concerned about his housing. Even I raised my eyebrows at some camp bunk situations and miniscule dorm rooms, he accepted them all, and even got annoyed at my slightest exclamations over room size or presentation. When traveling, he never saw the accommodations before he moved in, but accepted them all without comment, positive, or negative. My middle son, although appreciating the largesse of other people's houses, also is quite relaxed about his own space, and I expect my youngest is too. Although it seems the two younger ones are trained in my particular obsession with other people's homes.  I do so appreciate the good taste of others, but it simply doesn't matter that much to me if I do it. I'll say "I want to live at so and so's house" but that doesn't make me change my own house. I just get so exhausted even thinking about it. I don't know if this is something I should pursue or not. I'd feel better if I could assign it to someone else, sit back, and enjoy the results.

It's been over a Year!

I have neglected this blog mainly because all the Google settings changed and I was having a hard time getting into my own page, although I knew it was still there. And then today when I tried it again, Google kindly linked me to this new page.  I have a week off and decided to devote some of my free time to decluttering and cleaning. It was two weeks ago  when I walked around and realized that some things were really dirty. For example, a plant had spilled, and although it had been cleaned up halfway, there was still dirt in a corner that hadn't been swept. I looked at the bathroom wall and realized it was sticky, and a lot of areas needed dusting. Since I started working full time again, there are less hours to really focus on detail cleaning. I try to keep up with the main areas of the house-kitchen, living room, bathrooms. I always do laundry, but sometimes it doesn't get put away right away. I always clean the dishes but the kitchen had some things out that should have been put away. Around this time I was googling for ideas as I tend to do for inspiration and found the site, How Jen Does It and started watching her cleaning routines. The fact that a person can have gads of followers watching her clean the house tells me that there are a lot of people in the world like me. People wondering, "how do they do it?" First I watched her whole house cleaning routine. It seemed like she didn't have a lot of things in her house and had a lot of empty spaces. I later found out that she had just moved into a new house and completely renovated it. I felt a little better when I saw her old house cleaning routine, because it seemed a little more "normal" than cleaning a completely minimalist and pristine home. I then watched her morning routine and her evening routine. Made a lot of sense to me. A lot. Then I started watching her cooking and food hauls. I have to admit, I learned a lot from those too. It is truly amazing to me that her videos, and others like hers have thousands of views. But she does it really well.
So then I started doing some things to my own house. I cleaned out a cabinet so I could put more things off the counter and into it. I started wiping down the counters each time I used the kitchen, and put up a sign for my children that instructed them how to not leave a mess. As I cook, I am cleaning up. If I see anything out at all, I put it away. If I see a dish, cup or water bottle out of place, I bring it to the kitchen and put it away, or recycle it. I moved everything off my end table and dresser, and dusted the bedroom. I have been vacuuming sometimes once a day. Now, can I keep this up when I go back to work? Yes, I can. So that part's ok. The other parts, such as dusting, the floors, baseboards, etc, I might never be able to keep up with. I dislike mopping but maybe if I schedule it for once a week, I could do it. The walls and baseboards, I could probably dedicate a room a day until the entire house was done. It would take me about 12 days to do every area. But I think I could do that-dedicate one room a day to the walls and baseboards and then once that was done, get on a more regular schedule doing that. I still am dealing with a lot of paper clutter and my nemesis-the collection of shoe boxes in the corner. They have taken on a life of their own and need to be dealt with.

First Son to Go To College

It has been a long and messy year, but today a milestone has been reached. My oldest son has left for college, and in his wake, there is one less person, a lot less stuff, and a large piece of our family life missing. The sheer effort of packing, trying to get him to pack without being too overbearing, stressing about the fact that he was not packing or readying himself to leave, shopping trips to purchase extra things he did need, and the up to the last second of getting out the door was exhausting. It didn't occupy all my time, but it certainly took up a lot of space in my mind. In fact, much of this year has been spent on the emotional tasks of dealing with oldest child applying for college, waiting for acceptances, stress over where he would get in, etc. I really have not met any of my "goals" which have continued to be, get more organized, lose weight, exercise harder and more consistently, be more productive, etc. Still, I'm not going to give up those dreams, it's what keeps me going, after all! I have a strong desire to clear more junk out of the basement, and make the "hell" room to a usable room. After dealing with cleaning out my parent"s apartment, and clearing stuff out of Warrensburg, it is clear that extra stuff serves no purpose. Memories, such as photos do have a purpose, but random papers....all they do is make you feel guilty. For the longer you have them, the less you feel that they should be thrown away.
A few observations from the college drop off:
I was really struck by the contrast between my 3 children and their ages. Middle son is now regularly being mistaken for his older brother. He has grown a great deal in this past year, his face has changed and their body types and physiques are quite similar. During the spring he was often congratulated, and thought he was being congratulated for a golf achievement, when actually he was being congratulated for acceptance to Yale, to which he would then have to correct the embarrassed complimenter. Similar things happened yesterday, with various parents asking where he was from, and thinking he was the college student. On the other hand we had youngest son, who seemed to have arrived on a planet called "college" and had absolutely no idea what to expect. I actually asked him what he was expecting to see and he said something like "streets paved with gold"I warned him that Yale was in the middle of a city, with normal streets and sidewalks to cross, and the buildings spread out, but I reassured him that there were nice quads "what's a quad?", beautiful buildings, etc. He still had a million questions while we were there, most of them pertaining to eating. "How do you pay for meals?" he asked, imagining it to be a school cafeteria. I explained that I had prepaid for the meals, and that freshmen had no choice in the number of meals so he could eat 21 meals. "a day?" no. A week. Where could he eat? In any dining hall on the campus. What kind of food would it be? Was it a buffet? There were endless questions. I told him every college was different. I had no idea what the dining halls at Yale were like because I had never eaten there. We did get to eat there today however, and so he had more questions. My favorite was "Do they change out the food for the different meals?" along with "Are there different times that you can get breakfast and lunch?" It really made me consider the age difference as far as the giant leap from middle school to adulthood. Youngest son lost a tooth in the car on the way to take big brother to college. 11 years old seemed old to me at one time. Now comparatively, it seems very young. I'm not sure if youngest child tends to ask more questions than my older ones did, or if he is less mature, or what. I find myself having to explain things a lot, things I assumed that he knew. But as adults, we sometimes assume children know a lot, when they actually have a lot of questions. I try to keep that in mind as a teacher.
DH asked, "will oldest son know when he's supposed to....audition, register for classes, etc" I assured him that it was his responsibility and that I'm sure he would do whatever was important for him to do. DH said I always handled the scheduling of things. It's true, In a way he was "The Prince" and I did take care of a lot of scheduling and organizing. I wasn't crazy about it like some people, and I really do feel that he was, and always has been very independent. But organized? I cannot say that I'm terribly organized but I am about certain things. Many times he would call and ask "where are my keys" and I would be able to tell him. I also reminded him about deadlines often. He often could see the big picture, but not the forest for the trees, or something like that. I'm tired. Not making sense. At least I wrote today.

Starting Up Again

It has been over 9 months since my last blog post, and that is not a good sign. This is the time of year that everyone thinks of New Year's Resolutions and of course, I am no exception. This year I won't say that I want to get organized because that is too general. But I have small goals such as hanging shelves, getting 2 console tables, a coat hook, a shelf with hooks for keys, a white board or magnet board and various other items that will help the house "declutter itself". I also want to waste less time on the computer. (This blog however, is not a waste!) I want to take a few online courses via Lynda.com and have all my bills paid automatically. But first step is to declutter the small extra room downstairs where I have parked all my paper.
To work I go!

Time's a Wasting?

I wonder if years ago there were so many books on decluttering, organizing, and the like. As I stand in line to pay for groceries, every magazine seems to have "cut the clutter" as one of their lead stories. I don't know if it was always like this because of course, when I was younger, I didn't read the same magazines. Was clutter less of a problem years ago, and is minimalism the "it" thing of our generation, or have we learned from mistakes of the past?
Meanwhile I had an epiphany last night as I drove around town fetching and carrying, that in the last 16 years I haven't accomplished much. I've had part time jobs only. I have not perfected any type of talent. I have not developed any new hobbies. I have not significantly reduced the amount of clutter (although I have learned to get a handle on the daily routines of life and cleaning....) There are many goals I have not achieved. One of those goals was to find a satisfying work life. I don't think that has happened. I started grad. school for instructional technology. Now I see jobs which I would have been qualified for if I had just stuck with the program and finished it. Money was an issue at that time, so I put aside my goals for the sake of the house. Now I have bigger house, but am not closer to that first goal. That goal continues to be really important for me because I probably will never be one of those people who is satisfied simply by my home life. Of course, I want to do a good job as a parent, and I feel I've done a pretty good job, as my kids are turning out to be decent human beings. I just know that kids grow up and do their own thing. I don't want to be wasting away in a small town. I want to plan and do more things, activities that bring joy to my life. Instead, my days seem to pass in a blur of chores, and unfinished projects. I read so many blogs about motivation but something seems to keep me from going forward. I feel like I could use a breakthrough.

To share....or not to share?

So here it is almost the end of January and it's been quite a while since my last post. I have been thinking a lot about how I might make this blog more useful. For me, it's very helpful to read other people's blogs or watch videos about people either struggling with my same issues, or those who have mastered the art of an uncluttered household. I find it very inspiring. However, I have been very reluctant to share my own blog. One, because I don't consider it very interesting and haven't worked that hard on it. Two, because I don't know if I've really gotten anywhere. Would I be more inspired if I posted more often and actually shared this? I'll see if this week I make some headway. BTW there's another construction project going on. So the kitchen/hall area is jam packed with stuff, and the upstairs has taken on the brunt of "family room living" so is generally more cluttered than it used to be, thanks to video games and wires. Also, the entire house is very dusty from the residual construction dust, even though I have actually been dusting and vacuuming it more often just to keep up.  I have been truly trying very hard to keep an uncluttered kitchen area by consciously putting everything away each evening. It's nice to wake up to a totally clean kitchen island. Also, I have been very good at swishing and swiping the downstairs bathrooms. I have been keeping up with laundry washing, but not very good at putting it away. I will revel in my small successes.

Regaining Momentum

I definitely go through ups and downs with my  motivation. Right now the house shows some definite problems. It is not one particular thing but a general lack of upkeep that has now made me face a day of gloom and doom. Sometimes just admitting this helps. There is not room now that doesn't need a thorough cleaning. I've been able to keep up with the basic stuff, kitchen bathrooms, and laundry but not the detailed cleaning or the paper clutter. I picture a mountain of papers. I don't actually let it become a mountain, I let it become a tipping pile and then I organize it into file folders. Eventually the file folders become piles in themselves. Losing battle. Putting clothes away, another issue. Never got the kids to handle their own clothes, thus I wash and hang 5 people's clothes. Grocery shopping....yes....actually peeling and using the vegetables, only sometimes. Doing things on time, just barely. Barely getting things done more likely. Feeling very tired in the evenings lately. Only want to curl up in bed and sleep at night. Not very productive in general. Bare minimum. These are things I need and want to change. Always feel behind. Not too good!

"The After"

So, a lot has changed since my last post. The summer has come and gone. My perspective has changed. I have taken on a new attitude of "just do it" rather than ruminating. I have been trying to live by the "do it now" philosophy or back to basics with my favorite: The Flylady. I have been more matter of fact about the day to day in my life. My next focus is really on emergency preparation. So, to wrap it up, nothing is perfect, but everything is under control.

What is Perfection?

Last week, once again, I visited what I would consider to be a "perfect" home. Perfect to me is warm, friendly, and comfortable. All over this house were meaningful photos, works of art, attractive furniture, etc. I have written before about this kind of home. In contrast I have my own home, which always feels like a work in progress. I never feel that I can just relax and enjoy it. Before someone is coming over I always feel that I have to clean. Lots of times we can't find what we are looking for and I become frustrated. If I can't find something that my kids or husband need, I start to feel like I failed in some way. At the same time I am defensive. This is not a good combination and I want to stop this cycle. In my mind, perfect would be always having healthy foods in the house, and always having a delicious meal ready when my kids were hungry. In contrast, this morning, I had run out of bread, and delicious lunch food, so that 2 of the kids had peanut butter and jelly which they don't even like. When it came time for the last kid, he had tuna on a hot dog roll. I couldn't find his usual lunch box, so he had lunch in a plastic bag. Not really a big deal-no one went hungry or even complained-but I felt bad about it. I was late to my class at the gym and denied a spot. Again, no big deal because I ran on the treadmill. At this moment I do not know where my ipod touch is ....again. And the power cord to my camera has been missing forcing me to use my cell phone to record two really good concerts. My room is piled with towels and clothes that need to be put away. Middle son has not finished writing his thank you notes. I constantly feel on the defense for my faults as a mom, wife, and "housekeeper." My kids cannot find socks sometimes, so they argue with eachother for "stealing" the other's socks. I have a lot of unopened bills. Worst-I owe CT. tax money, which I didn't even realize.  There are ways through this but one of the most difficult things for me is to be faced with a long string of things I do not want to do. Cleaning itself isn't a problem really. I don't mind the physical work of cleaning at all. The physical vacuuming, dusting, mopping, is okay with me. It's the organizing that I have problems with.
I am going to try to dedicate just 2 hours. That is from about 11:45-1:45 to see if I can in some ways improve this current situation. I will try to update then.

Today's Challenge

I have 25 minutes before I have to leave to watch son play basketball. Every inch of this house needs a pick me up. Where do I start? The entrance way of course! Here I go!

moving too slowly

I have touched on this before, sometimes I move very slowly in my cleaning. It takes me way to long to do something that should not take long at all. When I get interrupted I can't just go back to doing something. It seems like I need long stretches of uninterrupted time to do something. Maybe I should try working in shorter but more productive bursts. When I have looming hours ahead of me I move in micro steps. Whereas most things in my life, I do very quickly. Except decluttering. Then I am terribly stymied by inaction.

Choosing people to emulate

Sometimes I pick a person that I consider my "organizing idol" I think, "if I could just think like they did, I could change my life." Today I heard someone discussing how she was moving her husband's medical office from one place to another. She sounded so purposefully busy that I wished I was her. I feel like there's something about me that does not allow me to go out and do what I am supposed to do. Sometimes I feel like I lack the skills to do things I need to do. I wonder, why do I feel so helpless when others can accomplish so much? Is it simply not really wanting to do things, inertia in getting started, or really the inability, that stops me? I have touched on all these topics before. I have been reading books (two that I recently go from the library) about mind management/time management. Although they weren't much help to me, they both touched on the idea that changing your mind is a habit like others and it's more comfortable for us to do what we have always done. I know that so well. There is a need for me to get out of my rut but a strong resistance. When someone asks me to do something, I often dig in my heels. I want to change that way of thinking.

Inertia

Sometimes I move very slowly. It takes me a long time to do one thing. Realizing this, I sometimes set challenges for myself. It has taken me the good part of an hour to clear the top of my dresser. Once again, FEAR of losing something important is what caused me to take so much time.

New Idea: do 10 things you don't want to do

Today I am going to try something new. I will try to do 10 things I don't want to do in order to do something that I'd like to do. Now 10 things may be a lot, but I'm thinking that some of them could be small things such as call for a doctor's appointment. The main thing that I don't want to do has to do with (as usual) paperwork. There is a pile of things "brewing" in the kitchen in a box and I haven't sorted through them yet. I have been dreading doing that. But why? It's only paper! This morning I already accomplished one task, I did a quick-super quick, clean of the refrigerator, tossing out a few almost empty containers. I have already gone to the gym. However, I am still in my gym clothes. So into the shower I go, and then from there, to tackle the paper in the kitchen. After that 8 other tasks? Or should I consider the paper thing 10 because there are more than 10 items. We'll see how ambitious I am.

Back Pain Obstacles

Last night, after carrying in a heavy bag of groceries, I felt sciatic pain hit. At the moment, a mom came to pick up her child, (she had never been in my house before.) The house was in an okay state-but I knew my bed had not been made, also the kitchen was cluttered (but clean). As I struggled to have conversation, the pain became intense and 5 minutes later I was in bed for the night nursing my back. I was thinking of all that had to be done and hoping someone would pick up the slack. Today had already been planned and I knew I was going to have a visit from a different mom and I didn't want to be unprepared. By sheer will I got out of bed this morning at 6:30 and showered, got dressed, picked up my room, went downstairs, made coffee, put dishes away, okay I didn't do laundry, swish and swiped the bathrooms, and a bit later, vacuumed. It was good enough and I could invite my guest inside with confidence and even gave her a tour. No, not perfect, but good enough. She happens to be an expert in decorating, so I had her take a look, and she gave me some fine ideas.

The Real Me

Can you see the real me? I picked that as my title one because it is by the Who and one of my favorite old songs, but also because it applies to my topic of the day. Just this morning, I transferred the contents of my old and fraying pocketbook which is WAY TOO SMALL into a new bag that I purchased last MARCH. That took 9 months and pretty much sums up my personality, and some of my problems. The main reason I never did this before was fear....that I would lose something. You see, my bag is always with me. And I'm not one of those people that changes my purse with my outfit. No, you'll see me with the same bag at Halloween, and the 4th of July. The bag I have been using for the past (2?) years was never meant to be my permanent bag. It was much smaller than my bags in the past and didn't have enough room for my things. If my phone rang I could never, ever find it. It would require removing my wallet, etc. and digging underneath pens, receipts, sometimes making me panic because I thought it was lost. But even though the pocketbook caused me a lot of anxiety, there was so much in it! I didn't want to transfer all that crap to a new bag, but I didn't want to leave out something important. But this morning I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to move the important things and just leave the rest in the old bag. And...it may just stay there forever or until a few years pass and I can just toss everything knowing it's obsolete. Last year I did buy a coupon organizer which was great-but it didn't fit in the bag so sometimes the coupons were organized but not in there. I knew that last time I tried to get by with a smaller bag because I was trying consciously to carry less. Well, that turned out to be a mistake. But I did make myself suffer for a long time. So-there you have the real me in a nutshell-a bit neurotic, fearful, indecisive and able to express it all.

Emotional states and cleaning

For the past few nights I didn't sleep well and had dreams my car was being stolen. I'll have to look up what that means, but anyway, I woke up this morning and my routine was off. After dropping off littlest son at bus, decided to tackle one thing which was my room. I made my bed and put some clothes away. Then I went to the gym. After that I knew I had to pick middle son up early from school for appt. so I couldn't get into doing anything. Because I was worried about him getting braces, it kept me from accomplishing anything. When there is "emotional clutter" then my other clutter does not get taken care of. Now it's Friday evening, and I have to leave this house at 6:30. Between now and then, I'd like to make a dent....vacuum, clear clutter from the main area and swish and swipe the two downstairs bathrooms. I also need to cook dinner. Let's see if I can do that.

Encouraged? Inspried?

In my last post I discussed perfect houses. I visited one last night. I would have been happy to spend the rest of my life living in that house, it was so beautiful. Not only was it beautiful, but it was comfortable and warm. 3 kids lived there, and there were sweet reminders of them (photos, mementos) but absolutely no clutter. Luckily, I had anticipated this and done a mad dash cleaning effort in my own house in order not to feel that I was returning to a dungeon. (note: my house is not a dungeon...I'm exaggerating) But I do have things hanging around the living room which is the first area you see, such as rubber bands, which obviously do not belong there. What can I say, my lovely child went on a rubber band shooting kick a few weeks ago and I'm still digging up the remainders of that. The house I went to was beautifully decorated but not "fussy" at all. It had lovely window treatments, nice colors on the walls, the kids' rooms were cozy. I can get inspired not discouraged, right?
Well, onto another subject, today I went in the basement and threw out 2 bags of stuff, like coats with broken zippers and old sneakers that had absolutely no right to be in the house anymore. I even swept the laundry area floor of the dryer lint!

Talking to Myself

Today is my "day off" but not my day off. It's 12:00 and I've gone to the gym and gone shopping. That's good, but the rest of the day's chores loom in front of me and I have to keep up the self motivation. After I return from the grocery store with the bags, I always sit in the car for a moment, dreading the act of removing the bags from the car, bringing them in and putting everything away. I actually have to say to myself "you can do this!" It seems like such a small thing and such a lack of energy. I have to make a dish for tomorrow night's party, make dinner for tonight (have to start early because I want to finish the chili in the slow cooker) The sunlight is shining today and it makes me see smudges and dust everywhere. I seriously don't know how the average person keeps up. What is the secret of those with the always perfect home? I need to know!

Today's Goal

Strange that the last time I wrote I mentioned the kids rooms. Today my mission is to get into the downstairs kids' rooms and sort them out. I want to remove things from under their beds and vacuum, as well as remove things from the drawers that they don't need.
I also need to rub smudges and fingerprints off all upstairs surfaces. Perhaps I'll update when I do these things. The trouble is I don't really want to do those things on a beautiful fall day like today. But I must.